beloved of god- part 2

I'm at a resting spot right now. I am working as a consultant and have more free time than I have had in many years. I find myself disoriented. We have just moved to Austin and the rhythm of my life has radically changed. I don't have to rush out the door to get to the office to hurry and pick Katie up. This is all sounding good and it is good...very good. However, my body and soul are thrown off by this shift.

It comes back to who am I if I am not on super speed, if I am not productive. What is productive anyway? If I spend the day writing and doing art, is that productive? Does it matter? The little voices in my head are screaming like crazy. Certainly, there are productive things I could do like finish unpacking. All this circles back to this concept of worthiness. What if part of my being was made to create? Not to sell art or develop a new business, but to create as a reflection of my soul. How lovely to sit on the porch and get knee deep in modge podge and images. Creating fills a deep soul space. It allows me to process the world in a non linear fashion.

This takes me back to this idea of living into being the beloved of god.

If god created us with all our passions and interests, then it makes sense to dive into them. It strkes me that this is radically counter cultural. Culture tells us that we are worthy through our hard work, our income, our appearance. This puts us as the god of our lives. We determine the outcome- we control. To give that up and to say what the f___. I'm going to live into the gifts of my soul. Freedom- true radical freedom.