Be Not Afraid

Today in church we did a wonderful exercise of looking at what it is that keeps us from God- from connecting with God. We wrote down these things on index cards and hung them on yarn that was hanging wildly over the congregation.

The three things that came to me were- fear, money, and shoulds.

Fear is the big over riding issue for me. It is so scary to think of surrendering to the radical message of Jesus. The older I get the more radical I sense this call is for us. My fear is the messiness involved in following Jesus- it is not tidy and buttoned up. It is not dogma but it is the call to be Jesus in the world- to all the world not just those like me- those who are sick, sad, poor- those who make me angry, intimidate me.

The fear comes from a few places. Fear that I actually can't do it. I'll screw it up. I'm too weak. Someone will think I'm weird. I'll be a bad parent by not providing properly for my children. I will die from it. Seriously, I can get so afraid that I am sure I will die. Then, I just have to hunker down and try to feel safe. This is not the abundant life God imagined for us. Putting that fear down as we move towards the cross scares me to death. I don't know how to do it. Sometimes I think that the first step, admitting to God that I don't know how to get rid of this invasive fear. Slowly, I can emerge from my safe space of hunkering down to look out and see the world and the light and the beauty. I don't want fear to cloud and darken the horizon for me. I want to live into the Kingdom here and now.

I think about how many times in the Bible it says, "Be not afraid." I always think about young Mary as the angel comes to tell her the news of her impending pregnancy. The angel replies to Mary, "Be not afraid, you have found favor with God." I think, yeah right, this poor girl, her whole life is turned totally upside down. "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."



This is the faith I'd like to have on the way to the cross. Not in some plastic navitiy scene way, but a real belief that God is God and will love me and take good care of me through all situations. In my heart of hearts, I want to hold onto this notion, Be Not Afraid.

I have been thinking about lent and where God might be calling me to go in these 40 days. Yesterday, I went for a long walk around the lake. I was thinking about what I needed to fast from or give up. I was totally drawing a blank.

I saw this wonderful tree with bright red berries. It caught my attention and I stopped for a minute to take in the beauty. Amongst many trees that have gone gray for winter here was this vibrant, striking beauty.

It hit me that during these 40 days perhaps my task is to notice all the beauty around me. Not in a sappy way- but to really take in the beauty of the people I meet, the beauty in myself (ahh). Often we can get so focused on all the gray that we just miss the wonders that are right before our eyes.

One constant that I am hearing is to be here now- fully present. Part of this means letting go of those things that hold me back from the now. This is a tough concept for me. I sometimes find a weird comfort in staying in the past. It's familar - kind of like my favorite green sweater. The problem is my green sweater is too heavy for Texas. I feel a little bit like a small child, do I really have to let go. I think the answer I'm hearing is yes. In order to live fully as God calls us our feet have to be firmly planted on the path of today. When the lovely red tree is front of us, we have to be looking in it's direction in order for ti's glory to bless us.

May your day be full of beauty and truth!

Dialing For Hope

Tonight I have been doing something very out of character- I've been making phone calls for Barak Obama. I have never been a big political person. I consider myself pretty cynical about politics. However, there is something about Obama that has captured my interest. At first, I was a little scared to give myself over to it. Typically, my candidates lose. Plus, I consider myself a feminist, therefore, the idea of not supporting the first female candidate for President seemed a little wrong.

Why tonight do I find myself calling strangers in California and Colorado? I guess I'm buying into the possiblity that just maybe there is hope and just maybe things in Washington could be a little more honest. I'm still cynical- I don't think Obama is going to right all the wrongs. I still be think the political system is fatally flawed. But tonight I'm feeling a little proud to live in a country where we can reach out and encourage others to vote. I'm proud to ask strangers to consider that there may be a better way. If only for tonight, I feel a little more hopeful and a little less cynical then maybe they are right- Yes We Can.

What If The Christians Decided To End Poverty?

What if all Christians got together and decided to work to end poverty?

Last night a rag tag group under the loose name of Austin Change gathered for a potluck. We were discerning together where God might be calling us to work here in Austin. The group was diverse in theology and age.

It was a time for us to wonder out loud how Jesus might call us to respond to our community.

One of the most moving points fo the evening for me, was when Kester told a story about a friend who suggested to him that the Christians should decide to end poverty. We all sat thinking and then with quiet conviction Robyn said, "yeah, like why don't we?" The room was quiet as we all let that thought sink in.

Since reading , Irrestiable Revolution by Shane Claiborne, I have been pondering the boundaries of my faith. How far out am I willing to push that? I tend to hide behind being a parent. I have to have great schools for my kids. I have to live in a safe neighborhood. I quietly assume that my family is entitled to a certain level of comfort. This is not fully consistent with the teachings of Jesus. Last night, it was great to hear where God is challenging others. Someone mentioned that they were feeling hope as we we discussed the possibilities. I too felt my spirit lift as the evening concluded.

If you live in Austin, feel free to join us for our next meeting. Keep up with Austin Change on Facebook or shoot me an email.

Peace to you this day!