Be Not Afraid

Today in church we did a wonderful exercise of looking at what it is that keeps us from God- from connecting with God. We wrote down these things on index cards and hung them on yarn that was hanging wildly over the congregation.

The three things that came to me were- fear, money, and shoulds.

Fear is the big over riding issue for me. It is so scary to think of surrendering to the radical message of Jesus. The older I get the more radical I sense this call is for us. My fear is the messiness involved in following Jesus- it is not tidy and buttoned up. It is not dogma but it is the call to be Jesus in the world- to all the world not just those like me- those who are sick, sad, poor- those who make me angry, intimidate me.

The fear comes from a few places. Fear that I actually can't do it. I'll screw it up. I'm too weak. Someone will think I'm weird. I'll be a bad parent by not providing properly for my children. I will die from it. Seriously, I can get so afraid that I am sure I will die. Then, I just have to hunker down and try to feel safe. This is not the abundant life God imagined for us. Putting that fear down as we move towards the cross scares me to death. I don't know how to do it. Sometimes I think that the first step, admitting to God that I don't know how to get rid of this invasive fear. Slowly, I can emerge from my safe space of hunkering down to look out and see the world and the light and the beauty. I don't want fear to cloud and darken the horizon for me. I want to live into the Kingdom here and now.

I think about how many times in the Bible it says, "Be not afraid." I always think about young Mary as the angel comes to tell her the news of her impending pregnancy. The angel replies to Mary, "Be not afraid, you have found favor with God." I think, yeah right, this poor girl, her whole life is turned totally upside down. "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."



This is the faith I'd like to have on the way to the cross. Not in some plastic navitiy scene way, but a real belief that God is God and will love me and take good care of me through all situations. In my heart of hearts, I want to hold onto this notion, Be Not Afraid.