We have been worshipping a small church plant for the past few weeks. I enjoy the upbeat music and the good teaching. I haven't really had a chance to get to know the people, but I trust I will connect with them.
This shift is pretty big as I have attended the Episcopal Church my entire life. Being an Epicopalian is my culture in many ways. My Dad has worked for the Church for 25 years. My husband almost became a priest. I am a contmeplative, liturgical person by nature. I typically meet God in mystery and quiet. I am not big on rules or theology. If one were to ask me my theology, it is one of questions rather than answers.
So you may wonder...how/why am I worshipping outside of my home, my comfort zone. I'm not totally sure. Part of it is I want to go to church and hear something challenging...radical, life altering....even if it is uncomfortable or does not fit with my expansive view of God. I still believe that God tranforms and I am worn out of watered down faith.
Many years ago at 18 I wrote out a 4 page single spaced outline of my questions about God and Jesus. Underlying the whole thing was that if any of this mattered then it calls us to a radical life. Over the years, I have certainly grown and changed. However, at my core I still believe in the transforming power of the Spirit. I don't want to get all dogmatic and fundamentalist... I don't believe that is of God. On the other hand, if this whole thing matters then I want to worship with a focus on God's power to transform. I know that buildings, organs, gardens, linens lead many people to God. For me just become a distraction. In the middle of my life, I want faith to matter for me and those I love.
So I make peace with the unattractive auditorium. I miss the flowers and the lovely smells. I deeply miss liturgy. I have no idea where this leads. It feels like a breath of fresh air. I feel reminded that faith is in fact relevant. For me today, that is the greatest gift I ask for ... to expect to be tranformed.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
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About Me
- lisa carlton
- Hmmm...Who am I? let's see the facts first. I'm 48 years old, married to my high school sweet heart, Bob. I I'm a mess most of the time, but everyone always thinks I really have it together. I love to listen to people and hear their stories. Art and writing are my spiritual practices. I deeply believe in god and that god is love. My theology is wide and constantly changing. When I was 18 I wrote out 4 pages single spaced on spiritual questions I had about life. I'm not sure I've answered any of them.
3 comments:
It's really nice that you have mixed asking questions while keeping faith.
I am so moved by your willingness to give up the comforting things of the "church" to find the radical message of God and the true effect it could have on our lives if we truly believed it. I very much look forward to hearing more about this journey.
Thanks for sharing your journey. It makes sense to me, only I am traveling in the opposite direction. Kind of funny if you think about it. I'd love to hear how God continues to meet you through the questions and stretching you out of your comfort zone.
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